There’s nothing I love more than good coffee.
When it’s good coffee and it’s in a great location, and the space is really cool, and the people are really really cool…
Well, it can only be described as True Love.
But have you ever been somewhere so cool / hip / alternative / chic / that no matter how you normally look / feel / behave you instantly feel completely awkward and wrong?
Yep. Me too. And Lesley Knope too.
The guys at Market Lane Coffee have the hipster style + coffee expertise + cool good looks = killer trifecter.
I might as well leave.
But by this stage I’m already in, and awkwardly hovering at the … Counter?
Honestly, the space must have been designed by someone cruelly cool, because the average joe (moi) doesn’t get it:
I walk to one side, oops! Sorry! That’s where the hipster coffee workers work. Back away, Elise.
I try the other side of the bench. Oops! Fake out!
They also have a coffee filtration system set up on that side, so I nearly end up in the bench trying to choose a side.
(coffee filtration side is the right side btw.)
So now I’ve successfully arrived at the counter.
I attempt to order. I can do this, I can do this in my sleep. Har har! Can’t fool me now!
– A skinny, weak latte to takeaway, please!
(said with confidence)
– We only have full cream milk, sorry. Will that be ok?
(said with contempt, derision, pity)
– Garghhhh… Um yes. Um. Really? That’s weird. No, no, that’s fine. Ok.
(said with mumbling and the forgetting of the words.)
Then I tried to pay.
I had been to the Vic Markets. I had heaps of bags.
Filled with fruit and veg. Fruit that rolls away when you let go of the bag handles.
Handles that you have to let go of, because otherwise you can’t pay.
You look for a seat. There are no seats.
There’s a weird little wooden ledge sticking out from one wall, but it’s already taken.
There’s a wooden bench seat on the other side of the room (but I can’t walk around the counter thing again!) and there’s a wooden bench seat under the front window. Wait. Is that a seat or a ledge? There’s a vase on it. Can I sit there too?
People, I repeat this process everytime I go, because the coffee is amazing.
In fact last time I was there, they gave me and my friend a freebie! Filter drip coffee in very cool cups.
Run, don’t walk, People!
But I advise coffee first, then fruit and veg.
Look. Here’s another victim of social inadequacy: